The Ozzman Cometh to RAW

Monday Night was one crazy train ride as the Prince of Darkness and his Queen shrouded the WWE in darkness. Sharon mentioned that this had not been the first time that Ozzy has been a part of the WWE: a montage shows that Ozzy was at WrestleMania 2 alongside the British Bulldogs, and on SmackDown, back in 2007, performing a single from his Black Rain album. When asked if he remembered, he humorously replied no.

The Ozzfest was interrupted by The Miz, Legacy, and The Big Show, all having qualms about last week: The Miz lost via count out to Evan Bourne due to a distraction; Kofi Kingston ruined DiBiase's gift to Orton; and the Big Show demanded an apology, which Ozzy hysterically did. Show did not mean from Ozzy but from the RAW roster for ganging up on him last week. DX showed up and plugged in Ozzy's new autobiography: I Am Ozzy, in stores early 2010, along with plugging in their own book, The Unauthorized Story of D-Generation X. With the help of DX, 3 matches were set for the night: The Miz vs. Evan Bourne for the United States Title; Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton; and a Triple Threat Match, John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show.

First Match: The Miz defends the U.S. Title against Evan Bourne. After months of jobbing, Evan Bourne has finally been given a title match, after having defeated the Miz last week. Some may say it was a controversial win, but Miz shouldn't have lost his focus and left the ring to deal with Jack Swagger. This match marked Bourne's second title match; the first being for the ECW Title against Matt Hardy. But there are no signs of Miz losing the title anytime soon; there's a better chance of John Morrison losing the Intercontinental title before we see Miz pass the torch. A sure sign that Bourne was going to lose was the extra pause in setting up The Shooting Star Press, allowing Miz enough time to roll out of the way. The Miz retained his title by connecting with The Skull Crushing Finale.

Second Match: Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble. This match was too unbearable to watch. Sheamus said in his pre-match interview that he will end careers, I think he just did. Sheamus connected with The Irish Curse, Jamie's back was contorted on impact. Then he went for the big boot to the side of Nobel's face. The referee ended the match, but Sheamus wouldn't relent. It wasn't until Sheamus connected with a power bomb onto the outside floor, and Noble started crying in pain, that EMT's showed up. I actually liked Jamie Noble's gimmick, he's a funny guy and a great wrestler, and to reduce him to this?

Third Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton. Really? My assumptions were realized as I saw these two go at it; Randy Orton has gone toe-to-toe with the likes of John Cena and Triple H, who has Kofi ever beaten? These two were seriously mismatched. Yet, it wouldn't be long until the rest of Legacy arrived.

Third Match (Restarted): Kofi Kingston, MVP and WSM vs. Legacy. The tag team of MVP and Mark Henry dominated Rhodes and DiBiase last week, but would it happen again now that Orton is in the mix? As you can see, after Hell in a Cell, the feud between Legacy and DX has been dropped. Does this mean Legacy can now start putting people over, or were the writers just bored with the concept? After losing two title matches against Jeri-Show the WWE has shied away from the duo of VIP in any title pictures. The match ended with Mark Henry connecting with The World's Strongest Slam on Cody Rhodes. Kofi may feel that he stood his ground against Randy Orton, but Orton is just too strong.

Segment: Ozzy, Sharon, and The Great Khali judge RAW's Got Talent. Jerry Lawler announced the contestants: Santino Marella; Chris Masters; and a duet between Jillian and Chavo Guerrero. Santino came dressed as Ozzy and his act was biting the head off a Bat... Man figure. He was voted off. Masters did a rendition of Crazy Train with his pecks. His pecks were flexing to the beat of the song, it was mesmorizing. Finally, Chavo and Jillian, mostly Jillian, sang an Ozzy duet. Even Ozzy, who is so burnt from all the drugs in his system throughout the years, hated Jillian's singing. When confronting the Osbournes, Sharon slapped the Spears from Jillian's mouth, and Khali chopped Chavo on the head. And of course, Hornswoggle, dressed as Jack Osbourne, preformed the tadpole splash on Chavo.

Fourth Match: Gail Kim, Eve, Bellas, Kelly Kelly, and Alicia Fox (Battle Royal to determine #1 Contender for Diva's Title). If this is the best that RAW has to offer, then there is a serious problem in the Diva's division. Aside from Gail Kim who is jobbing, all the other girls can't wrestle! The Bellas can be tough, but McMahon just wants them on RAW for their looks. When Eve eliminated both Bellas, there was a shimmer of hope. But it ended up with Kelly Kelly and Alicia feuding. Why in the world would the fate of the match rest with the 2 worst wrestlers in the roster? Alicia won the match, way to go, the only heel in the match, cause that was a hard one to guess...

Alicia Fox is the #1 Contender for Melina's Divas' Title

Main Event: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show. Before the match was a semi-hilarious skit between Cena and DX. Triple H and Shawn Michaels have beaten Cena in singles competition. In turn, John Cena has beaten both of them, each at WrestleMania. Cena even states that they have all beaten each other, which did not sit well with the Bellas overhearing the conversation. Finally, a sexual innuendo! The Triple Threat was really centered on the squabble between Jericho and Show, which resembled Batista and Mysterio's at Bragging Rights. Chris Jericho picked up the win after Show KO Punched Cena in the face, just to show that Big Show determines who wins and who loses. Then Jeri-Show started to apply added punishment with the Walls of Jericho and The Colossal Clutch, until DX, doing commentary with King and Cole, broke it up. However, Michaels also fell to the KO Punch, and Hunter to a head butt and Code Breaker. What will happen at the Survivor Series when The Undertaker gets into the ring with Jeri-Show?

Next Week's Host: Ricky "The Hitman" Hatton