Johnny Damon Strikes Out. Formerly on the New York Yankees, this free agent knew less how the wrestling business worked than Dennis Miller. WWE announcer, Justin Roberts, announced two-time MLB World Series Champion Johnny Damon to a jeering Tampa audience. He tried to play it cool by stating his past accomplishments with the Yankees and Red Sox, but he came off as insolent. After issuing a foreseeable Santa's Little Helpers Divas' Match, Damon stayed away from the ring throughout the rest of the night. Instead, he appeared in a series of back stage scenes involving Santa Clauses advising wrestling matches, and one undesirable makeout session with Santa's oldest helper, Mae Young. If not for the holiday gimmicks, Johnny Damon's lack of charisma would have been apparent.
RAW Divas are cute, not athletes. The opening match was a Six-Diva Santa’s Little Helper Tag Team Match, involving: Divas' Champion Melina, Kelly Kelly, and Gail Kim against Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Jillian Hall. There is very little intergrity left when it comes to the women of the WWE, and chances are, they know it too. Melina, who in the past year, has improved immensly after her feuds with Mickie James and Beth Phoenix, stands alone as RAW's only competitor. Gail Kim, a former WWE Women's Champion, and headliner/champion of the TNA Knockout division, returned to the WWE last summer as a mid-carder. Gail Kim's status has not changed, as her role is still to carry the match and then lose at the last minute. WWE should utlize Gail Kim instead of having her job to the likes of Alicia and Maryse. Kelly Kelly, nicknamed Barbie, was actually a model who the WWE insisted should join pro-wrestling. This suggests that WWE is focused on looks rather than athleticism. Jerry Lawler, unknowingly, demeaned Kelly Kelly's offensive strike, "She did a drop kick!" Even the announcers are shocked when a diva actually shows some sign of athletic offense. Thanks to the assist from Melina, Kelly Kelly scored the pinfall on Maryse.
Evan Bourne, most underrated superstar of 2009. This Six-Man Tag Team Match featured Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry & Evan Bourne against Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase. This was one of those matches where the years of watching these superstars grow into formiable opponents really pays off; Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, and Evan Bourne were among these opponents. Yet, Evan Bourne is among the most underrated superstar - and not just in the WWE - but throughout his whole pro-wrestling career. Since arriving in WWE in late 2008, on the ECW brand, Bourne became an instant fan favorite, even winning a Slammy for Best Finishing Maneuver of 2008. However, that's about all Bourne has accomplished and the reason for this is his fast paced, high octane style of wrestling is short lived. When tagged in, Bourne was able to jump over the ropes, perform a hurricanrana on Rhodes, knock out Orton and DiBiase out of the corner with one kick, and set Rhodes up for the Shooting Star Press - all in under three minutes. What happens when that doesn't get the job done? This is why Bourne jobs to everyone because he is flashy, but cannot last in a full match. His matt wrestling skills is below par, and unless he faces off against another high flyer, Bourne will always be at a disadvantage. Luckily, Kofi Kingston was tagged in and picked up the win after executing Trouble in Paradise to the back of DiBiase's head.
Jack Swagger is the Future. The next match was John Cena vs. Jack Swagger. Unlike Sheamus who uses brute force to intimidate his opponents, Jack Swagger combines his 6'5" stature and his All-American wrestling background to takedown the competition. His opponent for the night was no stranger to Swagger seeing as these two fought in a Champions vs. Champions match during the 2009 Draft picks. John Cena, who has vowed to never lose a match until he reclaims the WWE Title, did not have it easy against the Perry Oklahoman. Jack Swagger dominated the match, not just in keeping John Cena down on his knees, because he is the better wrestler. Correction, Jack Swagger is a wrestler with charisma, while John Cena makes up for his lack of wrestling with more charisma than anyone else. Jack Swagger, in four months in the WWE, became the ECW Champion - all for what? To become a mid-carder on Monday Night RAW. Much like everyone else, it was thrilling to see Sheamus defeat John Cena for the WWE Championship, but honestly, it was too much too soon. Despite being the one to take the WWE Title, Sheamus and Cena really have no back story. Swagger, on the other hand, has the ability to rise up the ranks of the WWE and truly become the poster boy for the company. Swagger has the makings to become a phenomenal WWE Champion because he's the complete package: a larger-than-life persona and the technical skills to back it up. The match was great because Jack Swagger made it great, but again, the best man must fall in order to fuel the passion of John Cena.Eve finds her man. Since coming over to RAW as a result of the Tri-Branded Divas Trade, WWE has been trying to administer Eve Torres in a valet role. At first, a short stint started between The Miz and Jack Swagger over the United States Title and Eve's affection; but after Miz won the title, the angle was dropped and Eve remained single. Then Chris Masters returned to the WWE, undergoing a babyface turn when he instilled the dancing pectorals as part of his gimmick. Along with the turn, Chris Masters practices chivalry, especially when it comes to protecting Eve from the likes of Chavo Guerrero and Carlito. The match between Carlito and Chris Masters was not about Carlito's past aggressions with Masters, but his disrespect towards Eve. Carlito was able to avoid the first Master Lock attempt, but the second one rendered him unconscious. After the match, Eve pulled out a mistletoe and gave Masters a kiss, starting a relationship. As romantic as this angle is, unless Masters trains Eve to be a better wrestler, she benefits nothing from this story line.
"What's underneath the ring, Shawn?" Many mysteries remain unsolved in the WWE, such as: "Where is Parts Unknown?" and "Why the Gobbledy Gooker?" But the most mysterious one of all is the space underneath the ring, what's really down there? Finally, it was revealed on Monday Night RAW when DX went to Little People's Court. In the past, Hornswoggle had hidden under the ring to escape opponents; The Bella Twins hid in order to alternate during singles matches; The Boogeyman lurked in the shadows to trap victims; and, followed by flames, The Undertaker chokeslammed Edge straight through the mat, implying hell resides below the squared circle. Shwan and Triple H traveled underneath the ring to find an underground passage, alike basements in any building, and went to a court hearing where they were found guilty for intentional infliction of emotional distress towards Hornswoggle. And now a new mystery has arisen, why cannot the little people in WWE speak?
John Cena overshadows WWE Champion? Unlike other superstars who demand championship matches, Montel Vontavious Porter preferred to earn his by taking on the Celtic Warrior in one-on-one competition. At any rate, Sheamus vs. MVP could have been a great follow up to Swagger and Cena, but the match turned into an exhibition of Sheamus' intense capacity in the ring. With an impressive array of finishers, The Celtic Warrior will make a fine head liner someday, considering that it hasn't occurred yet. Albeit, John Cena is no longer the champion, but his standing in the WWE far surpasses that of the company's main champion. Even looking at the Royal Rumble poster, John Cena is at the head of the line while Sheamus is #13 down the row.
The Miz that stole Christmas. 2009 has been an overall great year for The Miz from being part of one of the greatest tag teams and holding both WWE and World Tag Team Titles... Being drafted over to RAW... Entering a feud with John Cena... Losing a match causing him to be banned from RAW... Winning a contract back to RAW as the Calgary Kid... Revamping his attitude and wrestling gear, and now... The United States Champion. However, it's not enough for the Miz because he also wants to be the WWE Champion. The following match was The Miz vs. Santino Clause. Santino Marella, chosing to fight in his Santa garb, lost miserably to The Miz, who picked up the win with the Skull Crushing Finale.
One wish to rule them all... Johnny Damon promised that one wish would be granted and so far that hadn't happened, but could the Big Show get his wish? Calling out for the real Santa Clause, Big Show looked on as Santa Clause came, accompanied by the Bella Twins, to the ring willing to grant one wish. Big Show wished for Chris Jericho to come back to RAW, and Santa agreed. But before the fans could bring back their RAW is Jericho signs, Hornswoggle demasked Father Christmas to reveal Chris Jericho. If that were not enough, Hornswoggle rallied a miniature DX army of little people to take down Jericho. But before Jericho could fully clear the DX elves, the real DX disposed of Jeri-Show. Seeing as Jericho was Santa Clause, he has no power to reinstate himself as an agent of RAW, so Show's wish was nullified. As for Hornswoggle and DX's court issues, Triple H propositioned a deal: If Hornswoggle would drop the law suit, then he can be the faction's mascot. Hornswoggle agreed and initiated in his first official DX Crotch Chopping pyro routine. Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight!
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